By Bushra Ejaz 
(Translated by Kumar Sushil)

God knows what part of night it was, when her eyes opened involuntarily. However, the brain was under deep slumber, but it did not take long to make contact with eyes. When the contact got established, she felt the crawling of earthworms on different parts of her body. They had started creeping silently but treacherously from neck and had reached the shoulders and then to her breasts. The motionless body, with closed eyes tried to move her hand to catch those earthworms, but her hand refused to budge. In order to catch and crush them, she tried to get up, but her limbs had become frozen like a lifeless ice blocks and consequently, any movement was not possible. Frail, frightened and lifeless Zeenat was looking helplessly at the uncontrollable movements of earthworms in the lower parts of her body.

“Come on Zeenat! You are lying sexless like an emotionless cat, for how long I have been......” Muttered Sajjad, panting heavily. The earth worms started making deep grooves on her body. Their movements had now become violent. “I am with you” the lifeless ice block moaned without opening her eyes. Zeenat surrendered before the brutal attack on the lower part of her body as usual …………… “It is mine…….. It is mine……. I, with my own consent.”                                                                    

   A faint wave of resistance arose from within, which was suppressed by the words of Haleema (The gardener’s wife). “O’ my landlady, the two words of ‘Nikah’ have snatched away my right to say no. The husband may come at any time, he may do any thing.” “And your consent Haleema?” She replied with a heavy heart, “Who am I to have my own consent?” Haleema laughed ironically. “Whenever he comes to use his right on me, I hide my face and go into the upper part of my torso. Sex starved, riding on the horse of desire, he hardly bothers about my consent? By morning, he forgets everything that happened in the night.” “Haleema! You also forget.” “Me” said Haleema and unveiled her forehead “May I tell you the truth my landlady?” She rotated the pupils of her eyes, “I forget, but my wretched body does not. The body should not.” she murmured, “But what is the use of not forgetting?”

“Sajjad! Will you forget me?” This innocent question came from the lips of Zeenat, standing in the garden with vines of Jasmine, full of bunches of fragrance laden flowers, inflame Sajjad from within and outside. “Are you a thing to be forgotten?” said Sajjad while plucking flowers and touching his eyes with them, looked at her with awful passion. “How do I know?” The gestures of luscious lips were making him more passionate. Pressing the jasmine buds in his hands, Sajjad moved forward and looked at the strange unresponsiveness that was spread in Zeenat’s eyes; and his eyes became red. "Come here” he pulled Zeenat’s hand. “Don’t you know where you live in my heart?” His breath was fired with lust. Flames of fire started emanating from Zeenat’s body. And frightened, she tried to move away from Sajjad. “I have not finished my talk yet.” The bang of Sajjad’s sensual voice caused thousands of implosions in Zeenat’s body. “Let me go”. Surrender was evident in her voice. “Not now” The flower laden branches asserted and the whole bunch of flowers came under turmoil. The branches started stirring, leaves started budging and Zeenat, unknown to the taste of nectar, moved away crying “Not now, not now.”                

Far away, within the dolls house, behind the expensive white curtains, sitting silently on the bed decorated with frills of laces and jasmine flowers, Zeenat’s eyes had exhausted looking towards the door, when Sajjad, unaware of the secrets of aesthetic pleasure of sex and riding on the horse of lust used to attack Zeenat and often she surrendered. Lost in his sensuous talk, she was present before him ready to surrender without caring to glance at her, he would start fulfilling his powerful sexual desires single-mindedly, as he had scant concern about Zeenat, but sex only. Under these circumstances, the deserted city of her eyes and her beauty, like jasmine flowers, remained untouched. The jasmine flower bunches kept lamenting, “Not now, not now.”  But Sajjad ignored them.

And the night passed by. Not only this night, but several others came and passed. She tried to assess every passing night, but she could not find anything except a feeling of non existence in the deep abyss, into which she had fallen. Sajjad could not spare any time from his busy daily routine, which he could pass with the cluster of sweet jasmine flowers, which could be linked to the implosions in the body. And these flowers that remained untouched were sweeter than honey. Her silence cried ‘Sajjad handle me, I desire to be touched….. , see the unseen, but Sajjad had no time to see or touch. This was the reason that she had become corroded from within. In the cat and dog race of making his business double, Sajjad forgot her like other lifeless articles in the house.      

She asked herself often, “Where am I?” The walls of the house ironically smiled and said ‘Where am I?’ ‘Spotless, decorative and expensive curtains and rare icons stared at her and said, “Where is my existence and identity.” She kept aside the brush and colors while she was paintings headless women. She questioned herself while staring at the walls of the studio and silent lips, moist eyes and headless paintings of female figures. She saw a broken doll in the studio, which was situated in a corner of densely populated area of the city. She could see the entire scene of the doll’s house in the half opened eyes.  The lower part of the doll’s body had been badly mauled by dogs.
‘Oh God’ terribly trembling, she covered her ears with hands when she heard the newspaper hawker, who was shouting at the top of his voice to attract people, “Unable to bear the rape by a forty years old man, eight year old girl dies.” “What is this?” She was questioning her inner self. This was the night, when for the first time she had felt the crawling of earthworms over her body which repeated many times and proved fatal. Earthworms would suddenly appear on any part of the body in the night and would encompass her existence. Starting from the neck, they would start creeping and when they reached the lower part of her body, she would change into a lifeless stone block; and when Sajjad in a trembling voice would say “Come on Zeenat, why like emotionless…..”  Reply would come like a recorded voice “I am with you” and the earthworms and Sajjad mingled with one another.

“Zeenat, you do not love me any more,” Sajjad asked suddenly after a long time. “And you?”  The deafening silence suddenly woke up in Zeenat. “Why do you question me? It is my love that wakes you up at night and this is the best proof of my love for you.” “Is it love?” She looked at Sajjad with a long questionnaire. Holes appeared in the sheets of silence and earthworms started crawling fast over her body. “If this is love, then why is there deadly silence with in me? Why am I extinguished like burnt gunpowder?” She took her head in her both hands.

Lost in his lust, Sajjad was not bothered at all about her feelings. He was saying “When I get weary of waking you up, and despite my efforts you do not wake up and cooperate with me; deadly tired, I go asleep. You go asleep but I keep waking. After this I don’t get any sleep, her conscience was saying. Sajjad was exasperated. “Why is it so?” “It is very complicated, you won’t understand” “Why will I not understand” he was infuriated. “Since the time you have opened the ill-fated studio, your behavior has changed. While painting these headless and half bodied figures you have …..” Saying this he paused in between and started staring at her and said, “I shall have to do something of your futile hobby. These absurd black and yellow paintings have made you mentally sick.”

The pictures of Raj Bibi, Jainab Noor, Sakina, Mukhtarmai, Bashira and Jafran and so many other pictures of half bodied faceless women were present in the studio that reflect torture, cruelty and so called rituals and traditions had engulfed. Although, no trace of these women could be found, but such listless women had entered her heart in such a way, that they could not be thrown out. She would get overwhelmed in these lines, colors and walls. Her tortured part of the body made her suspicious of her dreams and her reality. Every man had used the word love for his personal motif in such a way that now it had lost all its sublimity. And the emotions and feelings like purity, chastity, love, loyalty and impeccability are also gone off the track. Sajjad, in his own way, thought he loved Zeenat and used to express his love in his own style. Although the record of “I am with you” was also repeated, she surrendered also, but he could not find any sign of life in her. He said, “You are not co-operating with me in love making.” Frightened, she would say “I am with you” and she would become helpless before the earthworms.

Her stony arms had become heavy while trying to embrace him and she was feeling a strong desire to be with him.  However, she loved Sajjad, his nearness was her need and to meet Sajjad was her desire. There is no limit and boundary for the desires. The fragrance arising from the heap of Jasmine flowers had entered her without any noise. She had felt Sajjad without touching him, and she had heard the inner voice of argument, “Not now … not now ….” Perhaps this was her fault or the result of emotional weakness; she was suffering as a result. But, if we ponder for a while, what was the fault of Sajjad that had made her dissatisfied and nonexistent? The fault of Sajjad was that he was a practical man who worked at the time of work and worked at the time of rest also. He was in a rat race of achieving success, fame and wealth by hook or crook. According to him, love is also the game of give and take. If he provided protection to Zeenat, she should also have surrendered before him, perhaps she did …. but all this annoyed him. After all what did she want?

Is there someone else….? This ill thought often crossed his mind. For some moments his eyes would close and high voltage current would pass through him but after some time he became relaxed. “Is there some one else?”

But today this thought was repeatedly tormenting him and making the day very lengthy. In this tormented state he roamed about the dolls house calling Zeenat in a loud voice. He searched every nook and corner but could not find her. She must have gone to the studio between those black and yellow paintings of headless and fate less women.

I will burn this cursed studio today. I shall not spare that bitch today. She will have to tell me who was behind all this. Who is that bastard? She was busy giving final touches to the painting of Jaffran who had been sentenced to death by stoning. The so-called divine people were throwing stones at her mercilessly. The earth around her had changed into a small pond of blood and flies were flying over her. Ants and other insects had gathered around her and vultures were sitting on trees.